A psychiatrist, buspar , trazodone (since the horror stories of Ambien makes me anxious), now have been added to my anxiety arsenal which consists of Zoloft and therapy. Psychiatrist is amazing. She confirms what my therapist suggested about me having PTSD from when I had a reaction to suddenly stopping pain medication that sent me back to the hospital just days after delivery. She also suspects PCOS which made my ears perk up. By getting my hormones in check my anxiety/depression/ocd can be dramatically reduced!
I know the meds are working because the other night I found a weird lumpy rash 2 inches long, 1 inch wide near the cleft of my buttock. Found this at 4am. Didn't sleep because Dr. Google was calling to me to research. As anyone with anxiety disorders know once should not seek medical advice from that fear monger. But he kept whispering to my logical side telling her, "a peak won't hurt, in fact it may help. She may find a helpful answer." I googled and found nothing but lupus and leukemia symptoms....no good. I took a pill and went to bed with no panic.
My doctor explained my rash wasn't staph or contagious. She tested me for lupus. The night and day waiting for the results weren't too bad, I was anxious but not worried out of my mind. Well unless you count my hours of cleaning and organizing?
Checked test results and RF is negative. phew one illness worry at a time. So now onto with PCOS, I get my hormone levels checked next week.
I keep getting sick; every month I catch 1-2 colds with a 3-5 day reprieve in between. That alone would make one stress. So I keep trotting and plotting through this sometimes darkness.
I now use a white board in my living room with words of wisdom as a reminder to me. I don't have to keep reading it, just knowing it's there somehow comforts me. I do believe it is working because during this past month I have been able to stay away from the ledge.