After two recent deaths I was all too eager to see my therapist. No more lorazepam so I took up Benadryl to help me sleep at night; after today's session I might not need it. I felt very relaxed afterwards. Topic today were these deaths and how it affected my ppa.
It basically comes down to perspective. Mine however was on the extreme dark side...of course. Horrible dark tunnel I was all too eager to be in. I want a healthy percpective of death. On the otherside however, I don't want to tie it up with a pretty little bow and say God had called to them and now they are by His side. Nothing wrong with that, as I now realize that's 'their' perspective and how others handle grief.
I felt myself in a condtradictive struggle dealing with this subject. Then "elated epiphany" happened. My struggle was my heart felt belief about death and the part of me mortified about death because of a reptilian need to survive. I remembered my philosophical view came to me at the young age of 6. My therapist then suggested I find a picture to represent this belief as a reminder to calm my fears.
My thought was death was like standing at the edge of swimming pool about to jump in. The fear is thinking the water is going to be so cold, but once in the water it is realized it's a perfect temperature. Death is the transition from being dry out in the world to becoming buoyant in a tranquil thermal equilibrium state; neither hot nor cold.
My picture as a reminder of my belief- an infinity pool. Perfect. I've found my, err, rediscovered my healthy outlook on death, and the water is fine.